"The Screaming Drunk" joke
A drunk is sitting at the bar and asks the bartender where the bathroom is. "Down the hall and make a left," the bartender tells him.
The drunk heads to bathroom. A few minutes later, everyone at the bar hears a loud scream and wonders what's going on in the bathroom. A few more minutes go by and everyone at the bar hears another loud scream that seems to be coming from the bathroom.
This time, the bartender decides he'd better go to the bathroom and investigate what the drunk is screaming about.
He opens the door and asks the drunk, "What is all the screaming about. You're scaring all my customers away. What's going on?"
"Hey, it's not my fault," mumbles the drunk. "I'm sitting on the toilet and every time I go to flush it, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls!"
With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, "No wonder, you fool, you're sitting on a mop bucket!"
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