"The common law" joke

* The Law of Common Sense Never accept a drink from a urologist. * The Law of Reality Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. * The Law of Self Sacrifice When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. * The Law of Volunteering If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. * The Law of Avoiding Oversell When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. * The Law of Motivation Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. * Boob’s Law You always find something in the last place you look. * Weiler’s Law Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself. * Law of Probable Dispersal Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. * Law of Volunteer Labor People are always available for work in the past tense. * Conway’s Law In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. * Iron Law of Distribution Them that has, gets. * Law of Cybernetic Entomology There is always one more bug. * Law of Drunkenness You can’t fall off the floor. * Heller’s Law The first myth of management is that it exists. * Osborne’s Law Variables won’t; constants aren’t. * Weinberg’s Second Law If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization. Road rage For lack of a more effective weapon, you find yourself threatening other drivers with the cigarette lighter. * You exchange your Uzi with laser sighting for a “more serious weapon. ” * You’ve stopped wearing pants in the car to make it easier to moon tailgaters. * Local Crips now have a hand signal for “Get Off The Road, That Psycho’s Coming! ” * On your license, under “restrictions”, it says, “Valium Required. ” * That Yugo hood ornament on your 4X4 is not *actually* an ornament. * The only thing that calms you down is your trusty Megadeth CD. * The need to wring Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s neck is just a bit more urgent than usual. * You swear more before you get to work than most gangsta rappers do all day. * You threaten to run over the person in front of you, even though you’re in line for communion. * The car’s a year old, but you’re already on your fifth horn. * Your saw blades don’t work, your voice is out of sync with your mouth, and Speed Racer has just beaten you in another race. * You’ve traded your plastic statue of St. Christopher for one of A. C. Cowlings. * You’d flash your brights at that slow dumbass Jacob ahead of you if your buggy only had headlights. * You’ve plowed more pedestrians than Wilt Chamberlain

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