"The hardest job kids face today is" joke

The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.

A bear, a lion and a chicken sitting talking about who is the hardest. The bear says when I roar - the whole forest trembles, the lion says when I roar - the whole jungle shakes with fear, the chicken says all I have to do is cough and the whole fuckin world shits itself!!

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Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

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Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.

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Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.) Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. Are you ready now?

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Knock Knock
Who's there?
Dome!
Dome who?
Dome you recognize my voice!

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