"The hardest job kids face today is" joke
The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any.
A bear, a lion and a chicken sitting talking about who is the hardest. The bear says when I roar - the whole forest trembles, the lion says when I roar - the whole jungle shakes with fear, the chicken says all I have to do is cough and the whole fuckin world shits itself!!
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...
Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail when she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache.
Hello. (Pause.) Hello? (Pause.) Hello! (Pause.) No, it doesn't look as if I'm in right now. Maybe you should leave a message at the beep or call me back later. BEEP. (Pause three seconds.) Just kidding, that wasn't really the beep. Are you ready now?