"Things I Learned From Starwars" joke

1. Battle droids in a high tech galactic civilisation where FTL travel is common have targeting systems inferior to those on a F-15.

2. Actually, their targeting systems are inferior to a spastic eight year old with a slingshot.

3. After the Jedi Knights have proven they can deflect laser bolts with their light sabers, the battle droids never think to stop firing.

4. Rather than having integral weapons systems, battle droids are cleverly designed to carry weapons that can be picked up and used against them by their opponents.

5. In the Star Wars universe, "Palpatine" means "Clinton."

6. A Phantom Menace character's level of annoying goofiness is directly proportional to the number of action figures of said character Lucasfilms hopes to sell to small children.

7. The Planet Naboo has underwater Rastafarians, but not underwater ganja.

8. Darth Maul has a black robe, a black shirt, black pants, red eyes, a red and black face, a red light saber, and horns, but for some reason left his "I'M EVIL!" T-shirt at home.

9. The most futuristic starship in The Republic's fleet is an SR-71 Blackbird covered in chrome.

10. A light saber can evidently cut through anything.

11. If Anakin Skywalker built C3PO, you would think the droid might mention this to Luke Skywalker at some point during the first movie. ("Oh, by the way, your father built me and also happens to be Darth Vader. More tea?")

12. Training for being a Queen's Decoy evidently doesn't include acting lessons.

13. Play-by-play sportscasters are the same no matter what galaxy you're in.

14. Even giant reptilian blobs like to have scantly clad human women in their entourage.

15. Yoda's mustache makes him look like a 300-year old Wilford Brimley

16. If you took out all the scenes with direct equivalents in the first three Star Wars films, The Phantom Menace would be 15 minutes long.

17. Most of those 15 minutes would be plot holes and special effects.

18. All giant starships are required by law to have one point in the ship where a chain reaction can be started by a single laser blast from a member of the Skywalker family.

19. Using The Force allows Jedi Knights to jump as high as Jet Li did as Fong Sai Yuk, but with more justification.

20. Darth Maul's body falls and bounces exactly the way a lightweight dummy would.