System Jokes

Four people are in an airplane: the president, the smartest man in the world, an old man and a young girl. The plane catches on fire and there are only three parachutes. The president gets one and says, "My country needs me!" and jumps.
The smartest man in the world grabs one and says, "Well, the world needs me, since I'm so smart," and jumps. One parachute left and the old man says, "You take it, my life is almost over anyway." The little girl says, "No. We both can jump." Confused, the man asks, "How?" The little girl says, "The smartest man in the world took my backpack."
The Train Journey II "Four priests board a train for a long journey to a church council conference. Shortly into the trip one priest says, "Well, we've worked together for many years now, but we don't really know each other. I suggest we tell each other one of our sins to get better acquainted."
They look nervously at one more...

CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT
User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:
Features:
User Friendly
Low Power CPU
Self Portable Operation
Dual Video and Audio Input
Audio Output
Auto Search Capability for Input Data
Auto Search for Output Bin
Auto Learn Program in ROM
Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use
Wide Operating Temperature Range
Mouse Driven
Self Cleaning
Production Details:
After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
units may not meet general standards. MOMCAT's quality assurance
may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate more...

"It`s good to see so many friends here in the Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it`s appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people`s lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful part of our national - really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it."-George W. Bush, Feb. 8, 2001 "We`re concerned about AIDS inside our White House - make no mistake about it." -George W. Bush, Feb. 7, 2001 "There`s no such thing as legacies. At least, there is a legacy, but I`ll never see it." -George W. Bush, speaking to Catholic leaders at the White House, Jan. 31, 2001 "I appreciate that question because I, in the state of Texas, had heard a lot of discussion about a faith-based initiative eroding the important bridge between church and state." -George W. Bush, speaking to reporters, Washington, D. C., Jan. 29, 2001 "I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, more...

This guy was walking along the beach in Malibu when he came across this salt-encrusted piece of metal. He worked for an hour or so to remove the salt. Lo and behold it was a very old oil lamp. The guy started to buff it to remove the verdigris when "poof" a genie appeared.
This genie, like all genies, was so happy to be freed of the lamp that he granted the guy three wishes.
"I wish to be a dollar richer than Bill Gates, " says the guy. The genie wasn't sure who Bill Gates was until the guy told him to check Forbes magazine. When the genie called up Forbes from inside the lamp he learned that Bill Gates was indeed the richest man in the world.
"Guy," the genie said, "You will forever be a dollar richer than Bill Gates. What's your second wish."
"Genie, I want the most expensive Porsche made: Fire engine red, on board GPS and the finest audio system ever installed in an automobile."
"That's easy, Guy," more...

•WinErr: 001 Windows loaded - System in danger
•WinErr: 002 No Error - Yet
•WinErr: 003 Dynamic linking error - Your mistake is now in every file
•WinErr: 004 Erronious error - Nothing is wrong
•WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
•WinErr: 006 Malicious error - Desqview found on drive
•WinErr: 007 System price error - Inadeqaute money spent on hardware
•WinErr: 008 Broken window - Watch out for glass fragments
•WinErr: 009 Horrible bug encountered - God knows what has happened
•WinErr: 00A Promotional literature overflow - Mailbox full
•WinErr: 00B Inadeqaute disk space - Free at least 50MB
•WinErr: 00C Memory hog error - More Ram needed. More! More! More!
•WinErr: 00D Window closed - Do not look outside
•WinErr: 00E Window open - Do not look inside
•WinErr: 00F Unexplained error - Please tell us how this happened
•WinErr: 010 Reserved for future mistakes by our more...