"Things We Learn From Movies" joke

A detective can only solve a case after he's been suspended from duty.
Should you ever decide to defuse a bomb, there's no need to worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach the armpit level on a woman, but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
The Eiffel Tower is visible from any window in Paris.
Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down days before their retirement.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince whenever a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If women are staying in a haunted house, they should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
When they are alone, all foreign people prefer to speak to each other in English.
Police departments give their officers personality tests to make certain they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it is not necessary to speak the language - a German accent will suffice.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readout so you will always know exactly when they're going to go off.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
It doesn't matter if you're heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
The perfect hiding place of any building is the ventilation system - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
Anyone can easily land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
All phone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
A chainsaw is always available should you need one.
A television news bulletin is usually a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
It is always possible to park directly outside any building you happen to be visiting.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or paper clip in seconds, unless it happens to be the door to a burning building with people trapped inside.