"Thoughts From Women..." joke

Thoughts From Women About Being A Woman

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.
* Helen Hayes (at 73)

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrow.
* Janette Barber

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.
* Lily Tomlin

A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car.
* Carrie Snow

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
* Bette Davis

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
* Catherine Aird

A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't.
* Rhonda Hansome

The phrase "working mother" is redundant.
* Jane Sellman

Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
* Charlotte Whitton

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.
* Caryn Leschen

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone.
* Jan King

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
* Jennifer Unlimited

When I was young, I was put in a school for retarded kids for two years before they realized I actually had a hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
* Kathy Buckley

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb and I'm also not blonde.
* Dolly Parton

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
* Erica Jong

If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.
* Sue Grafton

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
* Laurie Kuslansky

I think - therefore I'm single.
* Lizz Winstead

You know the hardest thing about having cerebral palsy and being a woman? It's plucking your eyebrows. That's how I originally got pierced ears.
* Geri Jewell

When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.
* Elayne Boosler

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
* Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man - if you want anything done, ask a woman.
* Margaret Thatcher

I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career.
* Gloria Steinem

I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home who answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late every night.
* Marie Corelli

If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
* Linda Ellerbee

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.
* Eleanor Roosevelt