"Top 15 Police Excuses" joke

Here are the Top 15 excuses for if you are pulled over by a police officer for speeding, running a red light, etc.
15.) Sorry, I slipped on a banana peel...
14.) Oooohh, you're a policeman? I thought you were just another speeder! I was trying to get away so you wouldn't hit me!
13.) I'm sorry officer but Dunkin Donuts is right ahead, not here.
12.) I'm sorry officer, but I already have a date.
11.) (For Americans caught speeding in Canada...), say, "What's a kilometer?"
10.) "So THAT'S what those signs are for!"
9.) I'm sorry I was speeding officer, but I have diarrhea.
8.) If I was speeding, you were probably speeding to catch me, so how about we forget about the whole thing?
7.) Sorry officer, I was trying to kill a bug under my gas pedal.
6.) I'm sorry officer. I just got breast implants, and when I wear a seatbelt, it hurts!
5.) My wife is pregnant, I'm trying to get to the hospital A.S.A.P.! (great for speeding tickets)
4.) (Running a stop sign) I'm sorry officer, I thought the sign said "POTS". (Dyslexic)
3.) I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are not any other cars around, that's how far ahead they are!
2.) Ooh officer I'd love to wear your handcuffs for awhile, but I really have to get home! My husband is gonna find my lover locked in the basement!
And the Number One excuse if you're pulled over by a police officer.
1.) Sorry, officer, but you see, what happened is when I reached for my crack pipe, my gun fell off my lap, getting lodged under the gas pedal, and forced me to speed out of control!