"Two priests and a rabbi" joke
Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the
weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest
explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back
and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle
he kept and what landed outside the circle god kept.
The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same,
except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the
money that landed inside the circle god kept.
The rabbi said, "I've got you both beat. I throw the money
into the air and what god wants, god takes."
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
A guy steps into an elevator and there's just one attractive woman in it.
He turns around to push the button for his floor and his elbow bumps right into her breast.
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A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
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There's a Space Shuttle mission to the moon with 2 monkeys and a woman on board.
The headquarters in the US calls:"Monkey #1, Monkey #1 report to comms for instructions."
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My mate Dave is serving a life sentence for something he didn't do.
He didn't wipe his fingerprints off the knife.