"Universal Corporate Translator" joke

"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION":
You'll be making under $6 an hour.
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"ENTRY-LEVEL POSITION IN AN UP-AND-COMING COMPANY":
You're paid under $6 an hour; we'll be bankrupt in a year.
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"AN UP-AND-COMING SOFTWARE COMPANY":
There's no chance in hell we'll be the next Microsoft.
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"PROFIT-SHARING PLAN":
Once it's shared among the brass, you get what's left.
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"COMPETITIVE SALARY:"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
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"JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:"
We have no time to train you. (and/or)
Please introduce yourself to your co-workers.
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"NATIONALLY RECOGNIZED LEADER:"
Inc. Magazine mentioned us in an article a few years ago.
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"IMMEDIATE OPENING:"
The person who had this job gave notice a month ago.
We're just now running the ad.
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"SALES POSITION REQUIRING MOTIVATED SELF-STARTER:"
We're can't supply you with leads; (and/or)
there's no base salary to speak of; (and/or)
you'll wait 30 days for your first commission check.
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"SELF-MOTIVATED:"
Don't expect Management to answer questions
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"WE OFFER GREAT BENEFITS:"
After 90 days, you can join our HMO, which has a $500 deductible and a $35 co-pay.