"Universal employee evaluation translator" joke

With the advent of the new year, many employees are faced with the dreaded "Annual Evaluation". Perhaps these lists will assist ya in in determining what your boss is really trying to say:
AVERAGE
Not too bright
SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE
Dumb as a rock
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED
Has committed no major blunders lately
ZEALOUS ATTITUDE
Highly Opinionated
STRONG ADHERENCE TO PRINCIPLES
Stubborn as Hell
TAKES GREAT PRIDE IN WORK
Conceited
REQUIRES WORK-VALUE COUNSELING AT TIMES
Lazy and hard-headed
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH
Hasn't been arrested or caught stealing lately
HAPPY AND CONTENT w/POSITION
Paid way too much
UNLIMITED POTENTIAL
We're stuck with them until retirement
IS UNUSUALLY LOYAL
Wanted by no other unit/dept
SHOULD GO FAR
Termination papers have been filed
QUICK THINKING
Offers plausible excuses for errors
VERY CREATIVE
Finds reasons to do anything except work
HARD WORKER
Does everything the hard way
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION
Generally turns in work on time
WELL ORGANIZED
Does too much busywork
USES TIME EFFECTIVELY
Clock watcher
APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC
Usually finds someone else to do the job
USES RESOURCES WELL
Attempts to delegate everything
A KEEN ANALYST
Spends hours rereading memos
NOT A DESK PERSON
Can't ever be located
EXCELLENT COMPUTER SKILLS
Always on the Internet
ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS
An office gossip
EXPRESSES SELF WELL
Can string two-three sentences together
SPENDS EXTRA HOURS ON THE JOB
Miserable home life
CONSCIENTIOUS AND CAREFUL
Scared for their job
METICULOUS IN ATTENTION TO DETAIL
A nitpicker
DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP
Has a loud voice
JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND
Lucky
MAINTAINS PROFESSIONAL ATTITUDE
A snob
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR
Knows lots of dirty jokes
ACTIVE SOCIALLY
Drinks heavily
CANNOT FAULT DEMEANOR
Passed last drug test
ENJOYS JOB
Needs more to do
GETS ALONG EXTREMELY WELL WITH SUPERIORS
A buck-passer
CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN
Pain in the ass
TAKES ADVANTAGE OF EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO PROGRESS
General butt kisser
INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION
Knows more than supervisors
TACTFUL IN DEALING WITH SUPERIORS
Knows when to keep mouth shut