"Vending Service Reply Form" joke

After many unhappy replies from our current vending service we decided that what they really needed was a different form letter that was more closely tied to their true feeling:
ABC Vending Service
Thank you for your (inquiry / comments / complaints) about our vending service.
We are aware that machine
has not been stocked in days.
We are waiting for the weekend.
We are out of items that have expired.
We're busy, don't bother us about this.
We don't care.
We are aware that the price for
seems high at $ but,
we have to make a living.
we use an algorithm 3*retail+yourage.
we charge others more.
we adjust it to allow for spoilage.
We are aware that
the sodas are warm
the milk is curdled
sandwiches are stale
gum is hard
candy bars are petrified
and assure you that that is
the way it is supposed to be, really.
We understand that
the bill changer can't,
coin return won't,
product selection doesn't,
and believe that
you should relax, it all evens out.
learn to live with it.
bring in your own change next time.
be happy it gave you anything.
quit eating so much junk food.
Thank you and Happy Eating.