"What they really mean when they say" joke

A number of different approaches are being tried.
(We are still guessing at this point.)
Major technological breakthrough!
(It works OK, but looks very hi-tech.)
Test results were extremely gratifying!
(Unbelievable! It actually worked.)
The entire concept will have to be abandoned.
(The only person who understood the thing quit.)
All new.
(Parts are not interchangeable with previous design.)
No maintenance.
(Impossible to fix)
Low maintenance.
(Nearly impossible to fix)
E-mail me (or fax me) the data.
(I'm too lazy to write it down.)