"Wifespeak" joke

Wifespeak/Translation
You want: You want
We need: I want
It's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want: You'll pay for this later
We need to talk: I need to complain
Sure...go ahead: I don't want you to.
I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
You're certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not over reacting!: I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.
I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper....
I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?: I did something today you're really not going to like.
I'll be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat?: Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate: Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!?: [Too late, your dead.]
Yes: No
No: No
Maybe: No
I'm sorry: You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe?: It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.
Was that the baby?: Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
I'm not yelling!: Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All we're going to buy is a soap dish: It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at few new pocketbooks, and, oh my god, there's a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The same old thing.: Nothing.
Nothing.: Everything.
Everything: My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really.: It's just that you're such an asshole..
I don't want to talk about it.: Go away, I'm still building up steam.