"You Know You're an Asian Montrealer If:" joke

You don't live in Montreal (Ville St-Laurent, Brossard, etc.). You tell your girlfriend that you buy Import Tuner for the cars. You shovel the snow at the last minute to make it to a party. For some reason, you always ask girls out to movies on Tuesday. You lose your friends at parties because everybody dresses the same. You take ages to finish a game at the 1. 00$ pool tables. You rack, break, re-rack when it's 8$ / hour pool. You carry an over-sized purse across your chest. You believe that Apex stands for Asian Pride Exhibitionism. You use the Concordia Library to scope out Asian chicks, even if you don't go to school. You run down to Daniel Amusement as soon as class ends to play silly arcade games. Your summer car is a lowered, tricked-out, nitrous oxide enhanced Integra/Civic/Accord/Prelude/CRX. Your winter car is a used shit box from the mid 80's that's held together with duct tape. You never notice spelling errors on party flyers. You think being a flyer boy definitely makes you a chick magnet. You show off your "amazing" Fido or PCS by hanging it on your belt-clip. Because it'll "really" impress the chicks. You wait for movies to come out at Palace. You pick the worst possible ring tone for your Nokia (ROBO N1X, Mozart 40, Polka). You think that the cheap ass gray Startac 3000 is just as good as the expensive black one. But, you'll still buy a leather pouch to cover it so it looks like the black one. You boast about how many 8's you have in your license plate, phone number, address, postal code. The only way you'll ever touch a Porsche is becoming a valet boy. The dealers at the Casino know you by name. You've been locked in or out of New Dynasty. You wish that you can use the Shogun kit in winter. You hang Chinese knick-knacks on your rear view mirror. You want to name your future child: Momo, Mugen, Nos, Akimoto or HKS. You go to school dressed as if you're going out. You despise M. C. Mario cause he is the white devil. You love DJ. Quest because he's Buddhist. You and your peeps hang around school long after class ended. You play snooker when you've hardly mastered pool. You're constantly pulled over for your illegal tints. You've mastered the art of driving across the bridge drunk after a party. You'll only check your coat if they make you. Because of fights, clubs refuse to serve beer bottles at Asian parties. Even the shooter glasses are in plastic! You've been in some way part of a fashion show. You've broken the record on how many people you can fit into your Civic. The only fresh air in a club is near the bathrooms.

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