"You know your from up north if ..." joke

1. You dress the kids up to go to K-mart. You know the full names of more than three wrestlers. You drive more than 35 miles with your turn signal on. Your front porch collapses and kills more than 6 dogs. You've ever used lard in bed. You think potted meat and saltines is an hors d'oeuvre. You consider a six pack and a bug zapper quality entertainment. More than half your cars don't run. Your mother doesn't remove the marlboro from her lips before telling the state trooper to kiss her ass. You honestly believe that women are turned on by animal moises and seductive toungue gestures You've ever barbecued spam on the grill. The primary color on your car is "primer". You have a stuffed possum somewhere in your house. The rear tires on your car are twice as wide as the front. Your diploma includes the words "Trucking Institute". Your wife or mother has ever been involved in a fistfight at a high school sporting event. The most common expression heard at your family reunions is "What are you looking at shithead?" You have a rag for a gas cap. You have ever used a weed wacker indoors. You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior. Your father wants you to quit high school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack. You think that a volvo is part of a womas anatomy. You prominently display souvenirs from graceland. You think that beef jerky and moon pies are two major food groups. Red man chewing tobacco sent you a christmas card. Your brother-in-law is your uncle. Your wife keeps a spit cup on the ironing board. You had a toothpick in your mouth when your wedding pictures were taken. Your lifetime ambition is to own a fireworks stand. Your richest relative bought a new house and you had to help take the wheels off. When asked for your ID you show your belt buckle. Your junior/senior prom had a daycare center. You know exactly how many bales of hay your car can hold. Your dog and wallet are both on chains. The pink plastic flamingo onyour lawn was not put there as a joke. Your family tree doesn't fork. You have ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle. You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams Jr. The crack in your windshield is longer than your arm and has been there more than a year. Your passenger side window is a hefty bag. Your watch band is thicker than any book you've ever read. You veiw duct tape as a long term investment. Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.

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