"You might be from a small town if..." joke

1. You can name everyone you graduated with.
1a. Your graduation lasted 20 minutes.
2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home.
2a. You can smell the difference between different animals' manure.
3. You know what 4-H is.
3a. You were in 4-H.
3b. You can walk through the entire county fair in 15 minutes.
4. You ever went to "headlight parties".
4a. Your busiest intersection does not have a stop light.
5. You used to drag "main".
5a. You noticed when there was a new car in town.
6. You said the "f" word and your parents knew within the hour.
7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won't.
8. You ever went cow-tipping.
9. You have gone to an auction as a social gathering.
10. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the "buyer" for all of the best parties.
11. You have parties at the same guy's house.
12. Your best friend is a beer whore.
13. School gets cancelled for state sporting events.
14. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and if you were old enough they'd tell your parents anyhow).
15. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them.
16. Social acceptance in town depended on the approval of the five old (but rich) hags that met each morning at the donut shop for the latest smut.
17. You were ever in the Homecoming parade.
18. You have ever gone home for Homecoming.
19. You fix up to go buy milk lest anyone starts the rumor that you have gained weight or quit taking care of yourself.
20. No place sells gas on Sunday.
21. Friday night's fun consisted of standing in line for the one screen theater and since it was sold out, watching truckers and drinking coffee at the truck stop (the only place open after 10).
21a. Friday nights were spent at the game (either football or basketball) and usually ended up with getting kicked out of the Pizza Oven (the only place to eat in town that was open till 11).
22. You have to drive an hour to buy a pair of socks.
23. It was cool to date someone from Deerfield (neighboring town).
23a. It was cool to date someone from ANY neighboring town.
24. You have ever gone for a walk in the cemetery, on a date.
25. You ordered your wardrobe out of a catalog.
26. You had senior skip day.
27. The whole school went to the same party after graduation.
28. You know the name of the one person who has no job, sleeps in his car, and is always at the convience store.
29. You don't give directions by street names or house numbers, but you give directions by references (turn by Peppers' liquor, go two blocks past Heekes', and it's four houses left of the football field).
30. When you talk about ordinary occurrences at your hometown, big city friends start laughing and say, "You did what?".
31. You actually go to the post office to get your mail.
32. You hope that you have enough people to make a varsity football team.
33. You can recognize 5 or more different types of farm machinery and tell what it is used for.
34. You've ever blown up a mailbox for fun.
35. If anyone drives a tractor to school (or you have tractor parking spots in your school lot).
36. If you can count the number of stoplights in your town on one hand.
37. Everyone in your graduating class is related.
38. If you've ever played cornfield tag and not gotten freaked out by some children of the corn reference.
39. If there is a dirt road within the city limits.
40. If a good party consists of a barn, a bonfire and some cheap beer.
41. If you've ever driven somewhere with people in the trunk.
42. If the fire hall was the cultural center of town.
43. If you still go to the drive-in to actually *watch* movies.
43a. If you know of a drive-in tha

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