"penis raise (Adult)" joke

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following reasons:
i do physical labour
i work at great depths
i am always using my head first
i do not get rdo's, weekends off or public holidays.
i work in a damp environment
i don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
i work in a dark work place that has poor ventilation
i work in high temperatures
my work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Response from Human Resources
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments
you have raised, the administration rejects your request.
you do not work 8 hrs
you fall a sleep on the job after brief work periods
you do not always follow the orders of the management team
you do not stay in your assigned position, and often visit other areas
you take a lot of non rostered breaks
you leave the work place messy at the end of your shift
you do not like working double shifts
and if that were not all, you have been constantly entering and leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.