leg Jokes / Recent Jokes

A hooker was explaining her lifestyle to a girlfriend." I put on stocking on one leg. One stocking on the other leg, and between the two I make a living."

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar.

Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. "Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?" If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye.

"John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good."

"Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you got it bad, I got it worse.

Now you listen to this...." "I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by.

Anyway, no more...

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, "Darling, I`ve got a big surprise for you," at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.
The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. "Now don`t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise," said the bride.
Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump.
"Hmmmmm," she said softly, "that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!"

Santa singh was very keen on doing his ph. d. he was in search of a subject on which no one had done any research before! As he was thinking over it he found a cockroach on the table. he decided to do a research on it. he picked the cockroach and put it on the table and said "run". the cockroach ran. he pulled out one second leg and told "run". The cockroach ran again. this way the cockroach tried to run even when it had just one leg. He pulled out the last leg of the cockroach, put it again in the centre of the table and said:"run". The cockroach could not! Our professor was satisfied with his study and started writing his thesis:" when you pull out all the legs of a cockroach, it cannot hear anymore".

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself' She'll never go for me carrying on like that,' so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans, and shortly after that they got married.
A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. He' putted' down one hill and' putt-putted' up the next. By the time he arrived more...

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.

Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette.

BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off.

BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher.

C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible.

COBOL: USE HANDGUN. COLT(45), AIM AT LEG. FOOT, THEN WITH ARM. HAND. FINGER ON HANDGUN. COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN. COLT TO HIP. HOLSTER.

cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C.

dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun more...

Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot. Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette. BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in the foot with a water pistol until your leg is waterlogged and rots off. BASIC (compiled): You shoot yourself in the foot with a BB using a SCUD missile launcher. C++: You create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Not knowing which feet are virtual, medical care is impossible. COBOL: USE HANDGUN. COLT(45), AIM AT LEG. FOOT, THEN WITH ARM. HAND. FINGER ON HANDGUN. COLT(TRIGGER) PREFORM SQUEEZE, RETURN HANDGUN. COLT TO HIP. HOLSTER. cah: After searching the manual until your foot falls asleep, you shoot the computer and switch to C. dBASE: You buy a gun. Bullets are only available from another company and are promised to work so you buy them. Then you find out that the next version of the gun is the one that is scheduled to shoot bullets. Fortran: You shoot yourself in more...