leg Jokes / Recent Jokes

A tourist arrived in Australia, hired a car and set off for the outback. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch.

Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. "What the hell!" the tourist cried, "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's wanking himself off in the bar!"

"Fair dinkum, mate," the bartender told him, "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep"

Q: What did one man's leg say to his other leg?
A: Hey look, shorty is growing a beard!

"How did it happen?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg." Well, doc, 25 years ago...""Never mind the past! Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying... 25 years ago, when I first started working on thefarm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautifuldaughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything Iwanted. I said, "No, everything is fine." "Are you sure?" she asked." I'm sure," I said." Isn't there anything I can do for you???" she wanted to know." I reckon not," I replied." Excuse me," said the doctor, "What the hell does this story have to dowith your broken leg?!?!?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!"

A friend of mine had bone marrow cancer in his left leg and his oncologist recommended amputating the leg. After getting a confirming second opinion, my friend agrees to surgery.
When he wakes up, he discovers they've taken the wrong leg. He still has to undergo the amputation which the doctor volunteers to do for free.
After the second surgery, my friend sues but in this world where the most money wins, he loses his suit.
The judge ruled he didn't have a leg to stand on.

This guy has a crush on a girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her he gets the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it. After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way he won't have to see her and he won't get too excited.

He ends up asking her out and she says yes. He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it. He gets to her house. When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy. He kicks her in the face.

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She`ll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this," so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way home from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured he could walk off any ill effects before he got home. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving, had three extra large helpings of baked beans. All the way home he farted. By the time he arrived home, he felt more...

Man: "Doctor, Doctor! My wooden leg is giving me a headache!"
Doctor: "Why?"
Man: "Because my wife keeps hitting me on the head with it."