300 Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to more...

1. No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300, 000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen. 2. There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total - 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census) rate of3. 5 children per household, that's91. 8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good child in each. 3. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to822. 6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down more...

Teachers are paid too much!! I'm fed up with teachers and their hefty salaries for only 9 months work! What we need here is a little perspective. If I had my way, I'd pay teachers babysitting wages.

That's right... instead of paying these outrageous taxes, I'd give them $3. 00 an hour. And, I'm only going to pay them for 5 hours, not planning time. That would be $15. 00 a day. Each parent should pay $15. 00 a day for these teachers to baby sit their children. Even if they have more than one child, it's still cheaper than private daycare.

Now how many children do they teach a day--maybe 20? That's $15. 00 x 20 = 300. 00 a day. But remember, they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for all the vacations: $300. 00 x 180 =$54, 000. (Just a minute my calculator must need batteries.)

What will teachers say about those who have 10 years of experience and a master's degree? Well, maybe (just to be fair) they could get the minimum wage. We can more...

The doctor told sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300 days, he would lose 34 kgs. At the end of 300 days, sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.

"what's the problem? " asked the doctor.

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I'm 2400 kms from home.

Calories can be burned by the hundreds by engaging in strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.
Beating around the bush................. 75
Jumping to conclusions................. 100
Climbing the walls..................... 150
Swallowing your pride................... 50
Passing the buck........................ 25
Throwing your weight around (depending on your weight)... 50-300
Dragging your heels.................... 100
Pushing your luck...................... 250
Making mountains out of molehills...... 500
Hitting the nail on the head............ 50
Wading through paperwork............... 300
Bending over backwards.................. 75
Jumping on the bandwagon............... 200
Balancing the books..................... 25
Running around in circles.............. 350
Eating crow............................ 225
Tooting your own horn................... 25
Climbing the ladder of more...

How To Lose Weight Without Exercise:

Here's The Guide To Calorie-Burning Activities And The Number
Of Calories Per Hour They Consume. Beating Around The Bush 75
Jumping To Conclusions 100
Climbing The Walls 150
Swallowing Your Pride 50
Passing The Buck 25
Throwing Your Weight Around (Depending On Your Weight) 50-300
Dragging Your Heels 100
Pushing Your Luck 250
Making Mountains Out Of Molehills 500
Hitting The Nail On The Head 50
Wading Through Paperwork 300
Bending Over Backwards 75
Jumping On The Bandwagon 200
Balancing The Books 25
Running Around In Circles 350
Eating Crow 225
Tooting Your Own Horn 25
Climbing The Ladder Of Success 750
Pulling Out The Stops 75
Adding Fuel To The Fire 160
Wrapping It Up At The Day's End 12
To Which You May Want To Add Your Own Favorite Activities, Including:
Opening A Can Of Worms 50
Putting Your Foot In Your Mouth more...

Giorgio is in this country for about 6 months, he walks to work every day and passes a shoe store. Each day he stops and looks in the window and admires a certain pair of Bocceli leather shoes. After about 2 months he saves the $300. 00 the shoes cost and purchases them.
Each Friday night the Italian community gets together at a dance at the church basement, so Giorgio seizes the opportunity to wear his new Bocceli leather shoes to the dance.
He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"
Sophia, startled, says " Yes, Giorgio, I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"
Giorgio replies, "I see the reflection in my new $300. 00 Bocceli leather shoes, How do you like them?
Next he asks Rosa to dance, after a few minutes he says to her "Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?"
Rosa answers!, " Yes, Giorgio, I do, but how do you know that.
He answers, more...