40-year-old Jokes

What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

There was a lady who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late! ”

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for him. They got married - and now she is going through HELL!

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating more...

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a
single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the
40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and asingle 40-year-old man? The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the40-year-old man thinks often about dating them.

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?
To knock the penises off the smart ones.

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?
The man.

Why is psychoanalysis quicker for men than for women?
When it's time to go back to childhood, he's already there.

Why are men like commercials?
You can't believe a word they say.

Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

Why are women so bad at mathematics?
Because men keep telling them that this (make gap with thumb and forefinger) is 9 inches.

What's a man's definition of a romantic evening?
Sex.

What is the only time a man thinks about a candlelight dinner?
When the power goes off.

What do men and women have in common?
They both distrust men.

How can you tell the difference between men's real gifts and their guilt gifts?
Guilt gifts are more...

Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man? A: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.