"Men & Marriage One-Liners 10" joke

What’s the difference between getting a divorce and getting circumcised?
When you get a divorce, you get rid of the whole prick!

There was a lady who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married… and then it was too late! ”

They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self defense.

When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

There was this lover who told his love that he would go through hell for him. They got married - and now she is going through HELL!

Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence.

How is a man like the weather?
Nothing can be done to change either one of them.

What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?
The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them.

Man: “I want to give myself to you. ”
Woman: “Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts. ”

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating hunger. What do men dream of?
Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

Why don’t men often show their true feelings?
Because they don’t have any.

How can you tell if a man is excited?
He’s breathing.

How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomach every time a bikini goes by.

What do men consider foreplay?
Half an hour of begging.

Did you hear about the man who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
He had it bronzed.

How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”.