Abby Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ever Wondered what if would be like if Dear Abby was a man?

Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband wants a threesome with my bestfriend and me.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that
there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing -
your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer
together. Why not get some of your old collage roommates involved
too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with
your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform
oral on him.



Dear Mr. Abby:
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Sperm can help you loose weight and gives a great glow
to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to
perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you.
The best thing to do is to thank him by performing more...

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese?

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?

Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.

Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Dear Abby -
I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Army, and I have
a second cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles
Nazi hate literature to Girl Scouts and my father (a former
dentist) is in jail for 30 years for raping most of his
patients while they were under anesthesia. The sole
supporters of our large family, including myself and my
$500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket
Benny "The Fingers") and my aunt and kid sisters, who are
well-known street walkers.
My problem is this: I have just gotten engaged to the most
beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet
sixteen, and we are going to marry as soon as she can escape
from reform school. To support ourselves, we are going to
move to Mexico and start a fake Aztec souvenir factory
staffed by child labor. We look forward to bringing our kids
into the family business. But -- I am worried that my more...

From "Dear Abby" newspaper column-
Dear Abby: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I
can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Any suggestions?
-Sam in California
Dear Sam: Yes. Run for public office.

Dear Abby:

Q: My fiance still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.

A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex with me and my sister.

A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing - your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring all of the family together. Why not get some cousins involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour.

Q: My husband continually asks me more...

If Dear Abby Was A Man... Q: My fiance still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful. A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior. Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys. A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behaviour. Q: My more...

If Dear Abby Was A Man...
Q: My fiance still has feelings for his old girlfriends. I'm afraid he will not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It has been proven to increase with the number of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other women, your partner is really increasing his love for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behaviour - and it should be encouraged. The man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. Far from being pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy the man is when he returns to his stable home. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention this aspect of his more...