Abby Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dear Abby has received lots of letters about funny names. Here are just a few sent to her!
My father was born in Menomonie, Wis., and later taught there. He used to tell me about a law firm there called Ketchum and Cheatum. Also, he had a high school classmate named Iva Liver. - ANN, COLUMBUS, OHIO
Years ago, I interviewed an attorney who was supposed to handle an important matter for me. His name: Rex R. Case. (Needless to say, I did not hire him!) - LINDA, N.J.
I read the front section of the paper, where I encountered the following. It's titled, "Circumcision of African men can cut HIV risk by half." The physician quoted from the World Health Organization is Dr. Kevin De Cock. - BONNIE IN WABASH, IND.
For many years the Internal Revenue supervisor in Oklahoma City was "I.M. Filer." - ANONYMOUS IN OKLAHOMA
My sister lives in Williamsville, N.Y., where there is a funeral home that seems nothing out of the ordinary, except for the name: Amigone more...

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into their apartment or come out. Do you think they could be Lebanese? -
-Curious
Dear Abby,
I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
Dear Abby,
I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.
Dear Abby,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
Dear Abby,
Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?
Dear Abby,
I more...

DEAR ABBY: I have a man I never could trust. Why, he cheats so much I'm not even sure this baby I'm carrying is his.
DEAR ABBY: I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen again.
DEAR ABBY: Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home, turn against his own religion?
DEAR ABBY: I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?
DEAR ABBY: My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $80 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.
DEAR ABBY: I was married to Bill for three years and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober.

Dear Abby:
I have been engaged to a really great girl for almost a year and will be married next month. My fiancee's mother is not only very attractive, but really great and understanding. She is putting the entire weddding together and invited me to her place to go over the invitation list because it has grown a bit beyond what we had expected it to be.
When I got to her place we reviewed the list and trimmed it down to just under a hundred... then she floored me.
She said that in a month I would be a married man and that before that happened, she wanted to have sex with me. Then, she just stood up and walked to her bedroom and on her way said that I knew where the front door was if I wanted to leave.
I looked at my future mother-in-law and couldn't help but notice that not only is she "knock-dead" beautiful, but she also has the body of a Playboy centerfold. I stood there for about five minutes and finally decided that I knew exactly how to deal with the more...

Dear Abby:I am a crack dealer in New Jersey who has recently been diagnosed as a carrier of HIV. My parents live in a suburb of Philadelphia and one of my sisters, who lives in Bensenville, is married to a transvestite.My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana and are currently dependent on my other two sisters who are prostitutes in Jersey City.I have two brothers. One is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Attica for murder of a teenage boy in 1994. The other brother is currently being held in the Wellington Remand Center on charges of neglecting his three children.I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who
lives in the Bronx and, indeed, is still a part-time "working girl" in a brothel. Her time there is limited, however, as we hope to open our own brothel with her as the working manager. I am hoping my two sisters
would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer more...

Dear Abby:My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. To make matters worse, since he lost his job three years ago he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does is buy cigars and cruise around and BS with his pals, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter left home he doesn't even pretend to like me and he hints that I am a lesbian. What should I do? Signed, Clueless
Dear Clueless:Grow up and dump him. For Pete's sake, you don't need him anymore - you're a United States Senator from New York now!

The following are a few letters sent to Abigail Van Burin (Dear Abby) that she herself admitted she was at a loss to answer:Dear Abby, What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?Dear Abby, Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own?Dear Abby, I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?Dear Abby, My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50 an hour every week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.