Abilities Jokes

Heather Mills will appear on ABCs "Dancing With the Stars," making her the first contestant to compete with an artificial limb. When asked if her prosthetic leg will hinder her dancing abilities Mills replied, -It didn't hinder my dancing abilities when I won millions of dollars from Paul McCartney-

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night clubahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, "I've never seen you in her before."The guy says, "Yes, I'm not from around here. I'm just passing through on myway to find a job."The owner asks, "What do you do?"The guy says, "I write music and play the piano."The owner, looking excited says, "REALLY! I have an ad in the paper lookingforsomeone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for meif you're interested."The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talentand musical abilities. The owner says, "You play the piano more beautifullythan anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?"The guy says, "I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fucking TheirBrains Out."The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, "My gosh, that's a more...

A mindreader is at a nightclub one night and decides to give a small demonstration of her abilities.

First, she reads the mind of the lead guitarist: "Wow, look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight! Good crowd!"

Then the drummer: "Lots of people showed up tonight... Great! we're going to make good money tonight"

Then the Keyboard player: "All three of these guys have no appreciation of my talent... What a bunch of losers"

Finally, the Bass player: "C... G... C... G..."

There was this guy walking down the road when he noticed a night clubahead. He went in, went up to the bar and asked for a drink. The bar owner, who was tending bar, said, "I've never seen you in her before." The guy says, "Yes, I'm not from around here. I'm just passing through on myway to find a job." The owner asks, "What do you do?" The guy says, "I write music and play the piano." The owner, looking excited says, "REALLY! I have an ad in the paper lookingforsomeone to play my piano. Please sit down at the keyboard and play for meif you're interested." The guy does and as he plays the piano the owner is in awe of his talentand musical abilities. The owner says, "You play the piano more beautifullythan anyone I have ever heard! What is the name of that song?" The guy says, "I wrote that song and the name is Two Lesbians Fucking TheirBrains Out." The owner gasps and is taken back. He says, "My gosh, that's a more...