Accent Jokes / Recent Jokes

She has cats and when she lived in the south she would take them to the groomers and have what is called a Line Cut. To her a line cut is when all of the fur hanging down below the cat's tummy is taken off (because it gets matted or snarled).


When she moved to Chicago with my brother, one of the cats fur got all tangled up during the move so she took it in for a line cut. She was quite surprised when she heard the price as it was twice as much as it was down south. She confirmed with the groomer that he understood what a line cut was and he said "yes, I know what a LION cut is." It seems her accent came out sounding like LION not LINE and this is how her cat was returned to her.

She cried for a week... but not as much as the cat. It was November in Chicago and the cat needed all the fur it had."

Gas in car to go to groomers $4. 50
Cat car carrier $32. 99
Grooming fee $80. 00
Getting the look from one seriously pissed more...

Gags for the Office Drone Run one lap around the office at top speed
Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other 'no-player'must be in the bathroom at the time)
Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye"
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily,"Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way"
Walk sideways to the photocopier.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINT GAGS Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers
Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all more...

Here`s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
When they`re not looking, pour most of someone`s fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.
Ignore the first five people who say `good morning` to you.
Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can`t talk right now. Bye."
To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.
While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don`t want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.
Kneel in more...

About a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four-year-old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up.

"They think we have an accent," she replied.

"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. "They talk funny?"

"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r- a-w-n out."

His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"

Here`s a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows:

ONE POINT

Run one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.

Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.

When they`re not looking, pour most of someone`s fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.

Ignore the first five people who say `good morning` to you.

Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can`t talk right now. Bye."

To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.

While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS

Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don`t want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you more...

Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINTRun one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk. When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say' good morning' to you. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINTSBabble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle. Shout random more...

Bored in a party? Here a list of what you can do:
Karate chop everywhere and everything. Yell really, really loud. A few sudden kicks would be worthwhile as well.
Wear wool or feathers and sneeze all night. "The doctor says I'm not allergic to anything except sheep and birds..."
If someone says the word no to you, say, "How dare you turn down the prince / princess of Ugranialo!"
Burst into the room an hour late, sopping wet and screaming, "I've done it! I've found Atlantis!"
Pick out the oldest women at the party, run up to her, and exclaim, "Grandmother! it's me, Anastasia!"
If it is a summer party in the evening, break into a duet with another guest: "Summer nights". Persuade the host to sing "You're the one that I want" with you.
Come in saying, the guy outside in the lab coat is looking for (insert name of host).
How to entertain yourself when stuck in a boring party:
Speak in more...