Accent Jokes / Recent Jokes
Here's a way to spice up your office. Pick two or three colleagues and agree to play the Office Game which awards points as follows: ONE POINTRun one lap around the office at top speed. Walk sideways to the photocopier.Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew.Ignore the first five people who say 'good morning' to you.Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace.While riding an elevator, gasp dramatically every time the doors open. THREE-POINTSBabble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask "Did you get all that, I don't want to have to repeat it." - Double points if you do this to a manager.Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle.Shout random numbers while more...
Sven was buying his first TV. He went into the furniture shop where Ole worked as a salesman. "I vant to buy that nice TV over dere" Sven said. "Sorry, ve don`t sell TV`s to Svedes" Ole said. Sven was flabbergasted but refused to give up so easily. He bought himself a very expensive disguise complete with the outfit, the hairstyle and even learned a new accent. He came back to the furniture shop. "Hey, man, be cool. I really dig that TV there. How much you want for it, cat?" Sven asked. Ole didn`t pause in his response. "Sorry, ve don`t sell TV`s to Svedes!" Sven was flabbergasted and more determined than ever. He went to a neighboring city and bought another disguise and learned another new accent. He came back to the furniture shop. "Howdy, partner, I`d sure like to purr-chess that TV yonder, wa-ja say?" Sven asked. Ole again immediately responded, "Sorry, ve don`t sell TV`s to Svedes!" Sven stepped back, ripped off his more...
Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.
Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.
When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands!
Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?"
Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better!
Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it.
Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..."
Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.
Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too).
If there is music, mix up your dancing: break dance to classical, symphony conductor hand waves to techno music.
If you find your former dancing partner dancing with someone else, burst into tears, wailing, "I thought you loved me!" and run from the more...
Speak in a strange foreign accent. when someone asks where you are from, name a country only you can pronounce.Use a different accent every time you talk to someone new.When getting food, pile everything onto your plate in heaping servings - make sure to use your hands! Ask the host, "Who threw this cheesy party, anyway?"Turn cartwheels across the floor. If you can turn a back flip, all the better! Bring a novel and curl up in a corner with it.Cough all over guests, then exclaim, "Doctor says a few more years and I'll be cured..."Hang your head and whisper one-word answers to questions.Play a lullaby on a kazoo during a speech (singing a lullaby works okay, too)
Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Japanese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck
full of car exhausts.
Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Japanese man starts to yell louder: "You sign! You sign!"
Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.
The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Japanese is back with a huge truck of brake pads. He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling, "You sign! You sign!"
Mr. Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Japanese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man! I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.
The following day, Nelson more...
Office work dull?... None of your colleagues appreciate your humour?... Amuse yourself. Points are awarded on a degree of difficulty basis. You can award yourself extra points for creative executionONE-POINT GAGS Run one lap around the office at top speed Groan out loud in the bathroom cubicle (at least one other'non-player' must be in the bathroom at the time) When they're not looking, pour most of someone's fresh cup of coffee into your mug leaving them with an inch of brew. Ignore the first five people who say' good morning' to you Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say "Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye" To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your ears and grimace. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, "Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!" Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way" Walk sideways more...
Thing to keep you occupied at the office while you avoid work!
ONE-POINT DARES
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other' non-player' must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say' good morning' to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, Just called to say I can't talk right now. Bye."
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!"
7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, "Sorry, I really prefer it this way".
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.
THREE-POINTS DARES
1. Say to your boss, "I like your style" and shoot him with more...