Acct Jokes / Recent Jokes

I work TS for an ISP, here are a few things that drive me nuts:
Tech: What is your User Name?
Cust: John Smith.
Tech: (searching for user name johnsmith to no avail) that's your USER Name, your login name?
Cust: Yep.
Tech: .. (search for cust acct by last name, find a million Smiths.. finally find their acct.) We have your user name listed as ''wolf231''.
Cust: Yep.
Tech: Not John Smith.
Cust: Yep.
Tech:...
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Tech: What error message are you getting?
Cust: I'm not getting an error, it just won't connect.
Tech: Nothing comes up when you try to connect?
Cust: Nope, nothing happens at all. It doesn't say anything.
Tech: .. and nothing appears on the screen what-so-ever..?
Cust: Nope.
Tech: - Well.. What happens to lead you to believe that it isn't working?
Cust: It says Error 691, User Name or Password..
Tech: That's what we in the buisness call an ERROR MESSAGE.
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Tech: What error message are you more...