Accuse Jokes

Advantages of dating older women...An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.There's no need to be phobic about "committing" to an older woman - the last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case more...

Veterinarians have evening hours.
Your kitten won't be able to disturb the whole movie with its crying. Hell, you don't even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don't, you don't even have to worry about whether or not the sitter is available tonight.
Your kitten won't grow out of those cute but expensive clothes within three months.
Kittens look cute if they haven't had a bath in a month.
You probably don't have to lie awake nights wondering how you're going to finance your kitten's college education.
No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don't want to breast feed your kitten.
No one will accuse you of perversion or sexual abuse if you fondle your kitten.
Dan Quayle can't accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of the country if you aren't married to the father of your kitten. In fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is.
No one will question your abilities to function normally at your job when they hear more...

Veterinarians have evening hours.
Your kitten won't be able to disturb the whole movie with its
crying. Hell, you don't even have to take the kitten with you,
and if you don't, you don't even have to worry about whether or
not the sitter is available tonight.
Your kitten won't grow out of those cute but expensive clothes
within three months.
Kittens look cute if they haven't had a bath in a month.
You probably don't have to lie awake nights wondering how
you're going to finance your kitten's college education.
No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don't
want to breast feed your kitten.
Dan Quayle can't accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of
the country if you aren't married to the father of your kitten. In
fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is.
No one will question your abilities to function normally at
your job when they hear you just got a kitten.
You only have to change more...

1) When you get pulled over, say "What's wrong, officer, there's no blood in my alcohol?"
2) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race.
3) When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf.
4) If he asks if you knew how fast you were going, say no, my speedometer doesn't go that high.
5) Touch him.
6) When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you had to buy a hat.
7) Ask him where he bought his cool hat.
8) Refer to him by his first name.
9) Pretend you are gay and ask him out.
10) When he says no, cry.
11) If he says yes, accuse him of sexual harassment.
12) If the cop is a woman, tell her how ugly she is, but in a nice way.
13) If he asks you to step out of the car, automatically throw yourself on the hood.
14) When he asks you to spread them, tell him you don't go that way.
15) When he puts handcuffs on, say "Usually my dates buy me dinner first."
16) Ask to be fingerprinted with more...

An older woman will never wake you up in the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman doesn't care what you think.
An older woman always carries a condom in her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
An older woman is a cheaper date. A younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup of herbal tea.
An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
Older women can run faster because they're always wearing sensible shoes.
There's no need to be phobic about "committing" to and older woman - the last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.
Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it more...