Achieve Jokes

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.
* If you wish to know The Way, don't ask for directions. Argue. Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.
* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that.
* There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?
* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.
* To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?
* Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.
* Be aware of your body. Be aware of your perceptions. Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a symptom of a terminal more...

You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.

To achieve the impossible, one must think the absurd; to look where everyone else has looked, but to see what no one else has seen.

Editor's Note: It's dry parody. You gotta really like sci-fi to enjoy this one...

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Experiment 8 Postflight Summary
NASA publication 14-307-1792
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ABSTRACT

The purpose of this experiment was to prepare for the expected participation in long-term space based research by husband-wife teams once the US space station is in place. To this end, the investigators explored a number of possible approaches to continued marital relations in the zero-G orbital environment provided by the XXXXXX shuttle mission.

Our primary conclusion is that satisfactory marital relations are within the realm of possibility in zero-G, but that many couples would have difficulty getting used to the approaches we found to be most satisfactory.

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INTRODUCTION

The more...

Redmond, Wash.
April 1, 1998
Microsoft today announced the newest addition to its popular Windows (TM) line of computer operating systems. Code named Atlantis, the newest offering will be officially known as Win' 00, pronounced Windows double zero.
At the gala press conference, complete with red, white, and blue lights bathing the stage, Bill Gates, President and CEO of Microsoft, personally made the announcement. Multicast to every corner of the world, Gates spoke to the huge crowd of computer press, as a 60 foot high video screen behind him showed his face, and Aerosmith sang their hit' Dream On' in the background.
"We are on the verge of the new millenium, and Microsoft is ready to lead the way into the new century. Just as we have been on the forefront of technology, claiming every advance in computing, we will now set the newest standard in the market. Taking the concept of the Virtual machine to its next logical evolutionary stage, our new operating more...