Across Jokes / Recent Jokes

One day a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were hiking when they came across a cliff.
There was no bridge and they couldn't think of anyother way to get across so they decided to turn around and go back. Just then a magical fairy appeared and said that they could turn into anything they wanted to help them get across the cliff, all they had to do was run, jump, and say the name of it. The brunette ran and jumped and yelled out, "Eagle," and she soared across the cliff. The redhead ran and jumped then yelled, "Hawk," and flew across to the other side. Then it was the blonde's turn she ran and jumped. When she was in mid air, she forgot what she was going to say and yelled "O crap!"....

One fine day Mister Rabbit goes running around the forest.
He sees a giraffe rolling a joint. "Giraffe, giraffe! Why do you do drugs? Come run with me instead!"
So the giraffe stops rolling his joint and runs with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing lines. Says the rabbit: "Elephant, elephant, why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead."
So the elephant stops and goes running with the two. Then they come across a lion preparing a syringe. "Lion, lion," cries the rabbit, "Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead."
The lion, with a mighty roar, bangs the rabbit to smithereens.
"No!" the giraffe and the elephant cry. "Why did you do that? All he was trying to do was to help you out!"
The lion replied, "Damn rabbit always makes me run around the friggin' forest when he's on speed!"

Steve Davis, the world champion snooker player, got married and it was the first night of his honeymoon. His beautiful wife lay spread across the bed wearing only a scanty silken black nightdress.
Presently Steve came out of the bathroom totally naked with a long stiff erection and walked slowly to the foot of the bed.
He didn't utter a sound but simply stood there looking at her and Chalking the end of his erect penis. This went on for over ten Minutes, the only movement being the slow rhythmic chalking of the tip of his penis and the movement of his head from side to side as he stared at her lying on the bed.
Eventually, moist with excitement and shaking with anticipation she tore off her nightdress and slowly spread her legs wide open waiting for him to take her lithe and curvaceous body.
Steve simply raised his eyebrows, cocked his head to the side and continued to slowly stroke the soft chalk across the glistening, throbbing penis as he stared intensely at the more...

Jesse Jackson and Bill Clinton were in the sauna naked when Bill looked down at Jesse's dick and exclaimed "Wow Jesse, your dick is huge! How do you get it so big?" and Jesse says "Well Bill, every night before I go to sleep I take it out and slam my dick across the headboard of my bed and it gets bigger and stays that way."

That night Bill and Hillary were laying in bed and Hillary gets up and goes to the bathroom. Bill remembers what Jesse said about making his dick larger and Bill thinks this is a great time to try it. So He gets up, takes his dick out and starts banging it across the headboard. Just then Hillary yells out from the bathroom "Is that you Jesse?"

Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning when she came across a little boy who had a box of newborn puppies. After stopping and introducing herself, Hillary asked the little boy what kind of puppies they were.
"They're Democrats," the little boy replied.
Hillary was very pleased to hear this and when she got home she told her husband what had happened.
A week or so later, Bill was out jogging and came across a little boy carrying a box puppies. Recalling what Hillary had told him, Bill went up to the little boy and asked, "Are these the puppies you showed my wife Hillary a week or so ago?"
"Yes, they are," answered the boy. "They're Republicans."
Surprised by the answer, Bill inquired, "I thought you had told my wife they were Democrats?"
"Yes, just after they were born they were Democrats, but now their eyes are open!"

Q: Why did the chicken run across the road?A: There was a car coming.

One ant was running across an unopened box of crackers and urging another to speed up. "But why do we have to hurry?" said one. "Can you read, you nut! It says, Tear along the dotted line'".