Action Jokes / Recent Jokes

15. Feet of Fury
14. Dennis: The Menace
13. Alien, Too
12. Indiana Jones and the Freak from the NBA
11. Dante's Freak
10. The Worminator
9. CrossDressinator II: Salon Day
8. Kickboxer III: Out-of-Court Settlement
7. Four Wedding Dresses And A Strong Rebounding, Weak-Shooting Forward
6. Evita... Yeah, I Did Her
5. Batman Comes Out!
4. Pierced Shaft
3. Dye Hard
2. Honey, I Kicked My Nuts
And the Number 1 Top Action Movie, Starring Dennis Rodman...
1. Beavis and Head-Butt

OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96
SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT
Stock Price Increases 50%
"We'll do it better," Says Microsoft
CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.
It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U. S. or California soil in U. S. history.
Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.
Spindler allegedly called the California Air National Guard more...

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 6 to 8 inches long.
The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes.
Is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action.
It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and a small hole at the other.
In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements.
Anyone found listening in will most surely recognise the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements.
When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some from its long glistening shaft.
After everything is ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet more...

OFFICE MEMO
Date: 1/18/96

SPINDLER CALLS IN AIR STRIKE, DESTROYS APPLE TO SAVE IT

Stock Price Increases 50%

"We`ll do it better," Says Microsoft

CUPERTINO, Calif. JANUARY 18, 1996
The massive pile of smoking rubble near Interstate 280 here in Cupertino was not the result of an earthquake or natural gas explosion, as officials first believed.

It now appears that the terrific explosion and fire at Apple Computer headquarters was the result of the first corporate-initiated airstrike on U. S. or California soil in U. S. history.

Sources within Apple have told newspapers that, in an effort to save Apple from an internal coup that would result in the breakup and sale of the company, embattled Apple CEO Michael Spindler called in elements of the California Air National Guard, based at Moffet Federal Air Station in Mountain View, Calif. to bomb and strafe his own headquarters.

Spindler allegedly more...

On Tough Jobs that Involve Letters: It's not as easy as it looks, being on all the time. I mean, what happens if I'm in a bad mood?
-- Vanna White, Wheel of Fortune co-star On Standards, the Mega-Rich and: I'd rather not talk about money. It's kind of gross.
-- Barbra Streisand, dodging a question about what she was paid to direct and star in The Mirror Has Two Faces On Disco Music, Importance of: God had to create disco music so that I could be born and be successful.

-- Donna Summer, disco singer On Giving It Your All: I think we played hard, but it was a lackadaisical hard.

-- New Jersey Nets guard Otis Birdsong on why his team had lost an NBA contest On Hostage-Taking, Fun For All: [Being taken hostage is] an adventure for the tourist, because the tourist will end up learning about the customs of the tribes as well as their good hospitality.

-- Abdullah Ahmar, speaker of Yemeni parliament, on the practice of taking foreign visitors more...

Anti-terrorist action
The president of the US has asked us to join together in the following action.
Since the muslims are against consuming alcohol and looking at naked women, besides their wives, we propose the following.
Tommorrow at noon (12:00 h local time) we ask all the women to go out and run naked through the streets, the men will follow them with a beer in their hands.
This will help us to locate the terrorists among us.
The United States thank you for your cooperation.
Thank you.

1. An official staff visit by LT jg Claus is expected at this post on 25 Dec. The following directives govern activities of all Army personnel during the visit.

a. Not a creature will stir without permission. This includes warrant officers and mice. Soldiers may obtain special stirring permits for necessary administrative action through the Battalion S-1. Officer stirring permits must be obtained through the Deputy, Post Plans and Policy Office.

b. All personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap NLT 2200 hours, 24 December. Uniform for the nap will be; Pajamas, Cotton, Light Weight, General Purpose, OG, and Cap, BDU woodland pattern, with ear flaps in the extended position. Equipment will be drawn from the supply room prior to 1900 hours. While at supply, all personnel will review their personal hand receipts and sign a Cash Collection Voucher, DD Form 1131, for all missing items. Remember, this is the "season of giving."

c. more...