Actor Jokes / Recent Jokes
VERBS:
to schmooze = befriend scum
to pitch = grovel shamelessly
to brainstorm = feign preparedness
to research = procrastinate indefinitely
to network = spread disinformation
to collaborate = argue incessantly
to freelance = collect unemployment
NOUNS:
agent = frustrated lawyer
lawyer = frustrated producer
producer = frustrated writer
writer = frustrated director
director = frustrated actor
actor = frustrated human
COMPOUND WORDS:
high-concept = low brow
production value = gore
entry-level = pays nothing
highly qualified = knows the producer
network approved = had made them money
FINANCIAL TERMS:
net = something that apparently doesn't exist
gross = Michael Eisner's salary
back-end = you, if you think you'll ever see it
residuals = braces for the kids
deferral = don't hold your breath
points = see "net" or "back-end"
COMMON PHRASES:
You can trust me more...
After a difficult day a struggling actor returns to his neighborhood and is shocked to find a cadre of police and fire trucks surrounding the smoldering remains of his house. Explaining who he was he asks "What happened?" "Well," one of the officer's says, "It seems that your agent came by your house earlier today and while he was here he attacked your wife, assaulted your children, beat your dog and burned your house to the ground." The actor is struck speechless, his jaw hanging open in disbelief... "My agent came to my house?"
Two actors that haven't seen each other in several weeks run in to each other on the street.
1st Actor: Haven't seen you in a while, how's everything going?
2nd Actor: Pretty good. Two weeks ago I got a call from a lawyer in Florida. It seems I had an aunt that I never knew about that died and left me $2, 000, 000.
#1: That's great!
#2: Yeah. And then last week I hit the lottery and won $7, 000, 000.
#1: That's wonderful!
#2: Yeah, but this week, nothing!
Actor Ryan O'Neal was arrested and accused of assaulting his adult son with a handgun during a fight at the actor's Malibu home.
O'Neal's son was not injured. It's been 25 years since Ryan's had any kind of hit.
"Sorry… I meant to hit the kid."
this is a good actor(slap)owww my face
this is an ok actor(slap)oww my face
this is a blonde actor(slap)owwwww my nee
p.s(every slap is some one being slaped on the face)
It was a hot day and a Hollywood star told a visiting Asian actor he knew of a secluded place where they can go skinny dipping.While they were enjoying the cool water, a busload of women suddenly appeared. Both men made a beeline for their towels. The Hollywood star wrapped his towel around his waist, while the Asian actor wrapped his towel around his head. There was a great deal of laughter coming from the women. They were hysterical.Afterwards, when there was only the two of them, the Hollywood star asked his guest why he wrap his towel around his head, instead of around his waist and he replied, "Where I come from we identify with our faces".