Address Jokes / Recent Jokes

by Joe Mullich, AmericanWay Magazine, November 15, 1994
1. Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any letter you write is letterhead.
2. You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one device on your body beep or buzz.
3. You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because there isn't one typewriter in your house, only computers with laser printers.
4. You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to send your father a birthday card.
5. You disdain people who use low baud rates.
6. When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking with customers, and you butt in to correct him and spend the more...

Berlin - Just after WWII.

A young woman made the following report to the police. She had met a blind man at a rally. She claims that they hit it off pretty well and the blind man asked her for a favor, could she possibly deliver the letter to the address on the envelope? As it was on her way home, she agreed.

She started out to deliver the letter, but then turned around to ask the man a question. To her dismay, she spotted him hurrying through the crowd in the opposite direction - without his dark glasses or white cane.

Sensing something seriously dodgy, she went straight to the police, who raided the address on the envelope, where they found heaps of human flesh for sale.

What was in the envelope? A note which said "this is the last one I am sending you today." (The girl, that is...)

S. R. BOMMAI, President of the Janata Dal, was sitting with Laloo Prasad Yadav, Chief Minister of Bihar. Laloo Prasad was going through his mail.' Look at this letter!' he exclaimed,' it is addressed to the stupidest man in Bihar.' Bommai tried to assuage the hurt feelings of the Chief Minister.' The man should have had better sense than to address such a letter to you,' he said.
'It's not that what bothers me,' replied the Chief Minister,' but the audacity of the post office to deliver it at the right address.'

Last night was the President's first State of the Union Address with the newly-elected Democratic majority in Congress; the first presidential speech in American history ever to contain the words "Pretty please?"
Taking a quarter of his time defending the Administration's War on Terror, there were many constituents who were grossly disappointed in the Address.
"I guess the pains of the hurricane are yesterday's news in Washington," said Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco.
The official White House response? "Hey! One fuck-up at a time, huh?"

Letter from mother to son. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's more...

Dear Bobby Ray,
I'm writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though, last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week, the first time for four days, and the second time for six days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
Tom locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours more...

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.
So again we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta's physical fitness program."