Address Jokes / Recent Jokes

Here is an easy way to make money from the post office.
Buy an Helium filled floating party balloon and write your address on it.
Go to the post office and say you want to post the balloon.
Tie the balloon onto the weighing scale and ask for the postage cost.
The floating balloon will make the scale read below zero.
The post office would thus pay you money for posting it.
You don't even have to carry the balloon home as the post office will deliver it to your address!

What the report SAID (1), What the report MEANT (2)

(1) While on routine patrol. . .

(2) I was in the car because the coffee shop was closed.

(1) The motorist was operating his vehicle in a reckless manner.

(2) He had a bumper sticker that said "SLOW DOWN- DON'T FEED THE PIGS".

(1) The accident scene and the safety of the victims prevented this officer from doing traffic control.

(2) It was raining.

(1) This officer went out-of-service to obtain intelligence information from a street informant.

(2) It was too hot to ride in the car.

(1) I observed the suspect acting in a suspicious manner. . .

(2) The dirt-bag let go with an "Oink" as I walked by.

(1) Knowing the suspect had a criminal history. . .

(2) He puked on my uniform one night. . .

(1) The informant is of known credibility and has provided reliable information in the more...

Dear Child,
I am writing this slow because I know that you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home.
Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address, as the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they left so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is real nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure if it works too well though.
Last week I put a load in, pulled the chain, and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't too bad here., it only rained twice last week, The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Steve said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got another bill from the funeral home.
They said if we don't make the last payment on more...

Dear Redneck Son;

I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car more...

At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35. Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact be boarding from Gate 35.So, again, we gathered our carry-on luggage and returned to the original gate. Just as we were settling down, the public address voice spoke again: "Thank you for participating in Delta`s physical fitness program.

The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The predominant questions this term pertain to "getting into" E-mail and how to access the "Information Highway."An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasn't working. His attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail.He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him where he obtained such an unusual mail address.He replied, "The sign advertising the concert said,' begins@7:30PM'."

Do these guys at Radio Shack ever get on your nerves, asking you
for a bunch of personal data when you're just there to buy something as
simple as a couple AA batteries? I think we should inconvenience these
people as much as they do us. A while ago I was in Enid buying a printer
cable adaptor and the guy asked me for my name.
"Ghosseindhatsghabyfaird-johnson," I replied.
(blank look of confusion)
"How do you spell that?" he asked, obviously not wanting to know.
"With a hyphen," I clarified
"Once more?" he asked
"Ghosseindhatsghabyfaird-johnson"
"Could you please spell that?" he asked, glancing at the half dozen
people waiting behind me.
"Oh... just like it sounds," I said nonchalantly.
Putting down "Johnson," he went on and asked about the address.
"Washburn, Wisconsin, 14701 N.E. Wachatanoobee Parkway, Complex 3,
Building O, Appt. more...