Adelaide Jokes

There was a showing of the Russell Crowe movie "Master and Commander" in trendy Glenelg, a seaside suburb of Adelaide on 12th December, 2003.

During the movie, four patrons collapsed vomiting with the result the cinema was cleared and, fearing an environmental air problem, surrounding streets were evacuated. Most of the Adelaide police force was in attendance along with fire engines galore. My radio station was keeping us all posted and it sounded quite serious. Friday night in Glenelg is the place to be for outdoor dining and shopping in extremely up-market shops and it takes a disaster of monumental proportions to empty this place.

During this movie, which takes place on a very lurchy boat on an equally lurchy ocean, there is an operation performed with primitive instruments - enough to turn your stomach it seems, which is exactly what happened. A patron was feeling seasick and the operation just topped it all off and she hurled and three others more...

WE, the people of the broad brown land of Oz, wish to be recognised as a free nation of blokes, sheilas and the occasional boong.

We come from many lands (although a few too many of us come from New Zealand) and, although we live in the best country in the world, we reserve the right to bitch and moan about it whenever we bloody like.

WE are One Nation but we're divided into many States. First, there's Victoria, named after a queen who didn't believe in lesbians. Victoria is the realm of Mossimo turtlenecks, cafe latte, grand final day and big horse races. Its capital is Melbourne, whose chief marketing pitch is that it's "liveable." At least that's what they think. The rest of us think it is too bloody cold and wet.

Next, there's NSW, the realm of pastel shorts, macchiato with sugar, thin books read quickly and millions of dancing queens. Its capital Sydney has more queens than any other city in the world, and is proud of it. It's mascots more...