Advises Jokes

One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Bush asks: "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark bedroom. "Tom," George asks, "what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises.
Bush isn't sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asks. Abe answers flatly, "Go see a play."

One night, George W. Bush is awakened by George Washington's ghost in
the White House. Bush asks, "George, what is the best thing I could do
to help the country?"
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," Washington
advises.
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moves through the dark
bedroom. "Tom," W asks, "what is the best thing I could do to help the
country?"
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," Jefferson advises.
Bush isn't sleeping well the next night, and sees another figure
moving in the shadows. It's Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the
best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asks.
Abe answers, "Go see a play."

A gourmet friend of ours advises that when preparing a dish for bedtime, champagne makes the best tenderizer.

A Manali hotel reassures guests about the drinking
water.

The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
A hotel in Haridwar advises its guests.

It is forbidden to steal hotel towels please, and politely adds: If you are not a person to do such a thing, please not to read notice.

A Mumbai hotel concerned about morals advises: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
A notice in a Bangalore pub states:

Ladies are requested not to have children in the pub.

A sign at a Nainital campsite warns:

It is strictly forbidden on our campsite that people of different sex, for instance men and women, live together in one tent, unless they are married with each other for that purpose.

In a small midwestern town, nestled-up in the wee rolling hills of
southern Indiana, there's a microcosm of all that is (and shall ever
be) the Great Mid West. It's known as Brown County. Yup. That's
my hometown!
And if you want to know what's going on in Brown County, you only
have to read the Sheriff's Log in the local paper, The Brown County
Democrat. Heck, even if you don't want to know what's going on, you
still read it for the comic relief!
This is a small collection of some of the actual phone calls received
by the Sheriff's department in good 'ol Brown County, Indiana:
Man on Bellsville Road reported someone has knocked down
his mailbox and then came back and ran over it.
11:14pm Man reports suspicious vehicle on Butler Road.
11:34pm Deputy reports vehicle had a couple of "lovers"
in it. They were advised to pull the car off the road.
Man has found a couch hidden behind a wood pile.
Woman's washing more...