Enroute Jokes

Terminology:
Shotgun - The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat, and also because of the psychological advantage of not being forced to subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip.
Enthronement - The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun position.
By Laws:
Vehicle Ownership
The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn't driving, always gets Shotgun in that vehicle. It is their car, it is their seat and they get it. This is a real bonus for an owner who is falling down drunk. They can rest assured Shotgun is rightfully theirs. They won't have to worry about concentrating through an alcohol-induced haze simply to remember to call Shotgun in their own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun "enthronement" rights have been established, they may also be surrendered. If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but wants to sleep it off in the back more...

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HER
8:15 Wakeup to hugs and kisses
8:30 Weigh in 5lbs lighter than yesterday
8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants
9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrent lilac bath oil
10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer
10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo and cut
12:00 Lunch with best friend at outdoor cafe
12:45 Notice ex-boyfriends wife, she has gained 30lbs
1:00 Shopping with friends, unlimited credit
3:00 Nap
4:00 3 dozens roses delivered by florist, card is from secret admirer
4:15 Light workout at club, followed by gentle massage
5:30 Pick out outfit for dinner, primp before the mirror
7:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing
10:00 Hot shower (alone)
10:30 Make love
11:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling
11:15 Fall asleep in his big strong arms

THE PERFECT DAY FOR HIM
6:00 Alarm
6:15 more...

In a small midwestern town, nestled-up in the wee rolling hills of
southern Indiana, there's a microcosm of all that is (and shall ever
be) the Great Mid West. It's known as Brown County. Yup. That's
my hometown!
And if you want to know what's going on in Brown County, you only
have to read the Sheriff's Log in the local paper, The Brown County
Democrat. Heck, even if you don't want to know what's going on, you
still read it for the comic relief!
This is a small collection of some of the actual phone calls received
by the Sheriff's department in good 'ol Brown County, Indiana:
Man on Bellsville Road reported someone has knocked down
his mailbox and then came back and ran over it.
11:14pm Man reports suspicious vehicle on Butler Road.
11:34pm Deputy reports vehicle had a couple of "lovers"
in it. They were advised to pull the car off the road.
Man has found a couch hidden behind a wood pile.
Woman's washing more...