Affairs Jokes

There are two guys walking in front of a large church. One guy says to the other, "Just a minute, I'll be right back."
He goes into the confessional and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned. I have had two extramarital affairs."
The Father says, "You need to say 40 Hail Marys, and I also need to know if the women were members of my parish."
The confessor replies, "Yes Father, they were."
The priest says then that in order to receive absolution he, the priest, needed the names of the two women.
The man said, "Father, I don't kiss and tell, and besides, I must leave them to handle their own confessions."
The priest responded, "Well, was one of them Mrs. O'Reilly?"
The man replied, "No Father, and I wouldn't say anyway. I've told you that!"
The priest says, "Well, was one of them Mrs. Brown?"
Exasperated the man said, "No Father, and I told you I'm not telling more...

Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.

Q: What's worse than a democratic president running foreign affairs?
A: Two democratic president's running foreign affairs.

Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

... and pledges not to move alone unless no one agrees with it
Washington, D.C. (SatireWire.com) — Bowing to international pressure not to act unilaterally, the United States reversed course today and promised to consult with its allies before doing whatever the hell it was going to do anyway.
"Prior to taking action against any enemy nation, such as Iraq, we will confer with our allies, as well as other countries in that region," pledged U.S. President George W. Bush. "We will sit down with them. We will begin by explaining what our position is, and then we will...
"... no, wait. That's everything."
The announcement seemingly failed to address unease among world leaders that without their consent, U.S. action against Iraq will lead them all into a wider conflict. Bush, however, said his administration was well aware of international concerns, and would handle them internally.
Except for effect, the administration said its new stance more...