Afraid Jokes / Recent Jokes
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.
After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?
This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
I asked my wife why there were so many dings on the driver's side of her Mercedes and she said the brakes must be bad on that side.
After you lose an election, will they let you back into all the exclusive clubs you resigned from?
This is the only place in the country where people pull over and stop for a funeral, but speed up to cut off an ambulence or a firetruck.
I went out today and bought everything I've been wanting, because now that the elections are over, I know that the politicians are going to take care of the middle class.
O MY DEAR WIFE,
During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
5 times you pretended to be asleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to muss your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us
Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
because:
6 times you just laid there,
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in more...
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers
aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
A man went to his psychiatrist and said,
"What's wrong with me? I'm afraid of Santa."
The psychiatrist said, "You must be Claustrofobic."
A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had a problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other. The groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice. "Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage."
His father replied, "Don't you love this girl?"
"Oh yes, very much," he said, "but you see, I have very smelly feet and I'm afraid that my fiance will be put off by them."
"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible and always wear socks, even to bed." Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.
The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom." Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning, my breath is truly awful."
"Honey," her mother consoled, more...
There were three guys, a Torontonian, an American and a Newfoundlander. They were all going to be executed. The executioner said that since all three were to be executed that night, that they would each get to choose the method by which they would die. Their choices were: lethal injection, electric chair or by hanging. The American was afraid of needles and did'nt want to be hanged. The American chose the electric chair. He sat in the chair and they pulled the switch and nothing happened. The executioner said that if this happens a second time that he could go free. They tried a second time and again nothing happened so they set him free. The guy from Toronto was also afraid of needles and did'nt want to be hanged so he too chose the electric chair. Once again, the chair didn't work and he was free. Next it was the Newfoundlanders turn to pick how he was to be executed. He said "I'm a fraid of needles, the electric chair won't work so you're going to have to hang me".