Agent Jokes / Recent Jokes

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now." The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence". The Mexican man of course agrees. The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence." The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".
The Mexican man of course agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says,
"Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green,... I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?"

A customs agent stopped an old Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.

In the first suitcase he found over a million dollars in one dollar bills. "Excuse me, sir" he asked the old gentleman, "where did you get all this money?"

"Vell, I'll tell you," the old man began, "for many years, I traveled all around America, I stopped at all of the public rest rooms in all the major cities; I vent to New York, then I vent to Chicago, then I vent to San Francisco. I vent into all the stalls here the men were spiriting and I say' Give me a dollar for Israel or I'll cut off your testicles vit my knife.'"

"That's quite a story," the customs agent said, "what's in the second suitcase?"

"Vell, you know," said the old man, shaking his head, "not everyone likes to give..."

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."
The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"
The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence."
The Mexican, of course, agrees.
The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are Green, Pink and Yellow... Now use all them in 1 sentence."
The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?"

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now."The mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senior, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!"The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use 3 english words in a sentence".The Mexican man of course agrees.The Border Patrol Agent tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in 1 sentence."The Mexican man thinks really hard for about 2 minutes, then says,"Hmmm, Ok. The phone, it went Green, Green, Green,... I Pink it up, and sez Yellow?"

A student was heading home for the holidays. When she got to the airline counter, she presented her ticket to New York. As she gave the agent her luggage, she made the remark, "I'd like you to send my green suitcase to Hawaii, and my red suitcase to London."The confused agent said, "I'm sorry, we can't do that.""Really??? I am so relieved to hear you say that because that's exactly what you did to my luggage last year!"

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks,
interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, two men and a
woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large
metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your
instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room, you will
find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her!"
The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife."
The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job."
The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went
into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with
tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife."
The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same more...