Ages Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?Because there were so many knights!

Student: J. Christ Form: III Term: 1
SubjectGradeTeacher's Comment
ReligionD
To the question "Who made the world?" persisted in answering 'My
dad'. Claims bible originated from the same source.
EnglishD+
Tends to speak and write in archaic forms and uses outmoded
figures of speech.
History A
Excellent pupil of ancient and Religious History.
Geography C-
Assignment on 'Hot, dry lands' was excellent, but shows little
interest in the rest. In geology, keeps talking about the Rock of
Ages instead of the ages of Rock.
Social StudiesB+
Shows keen interest in social issues.
MathematicsF
Lacks basics. Keeps muttering about 'Three in one' and 'I and
the father are one'.
General ScienceD
Lacks disipline - e.g., when asked to repeat the experiment for
making hydrogen, claimed he knew a better way.
Graphic CommunicationD
Prefers to draw with a stick in the sand to pencil more...

Teacher: Why do we sometimes call the middle ages as the dark ages?
Betty: Because they had so many knights.

Jeff Foxworthy in the Middle ages
You know you're Castle Trash if...
Your shroud of Turin is painted on velvet Your daughter's chastity belt has rusted You can't afford a cod piece... nobody notices You have more sheep dogs than sheep You sold your only horse to buy that jousting lance you just had to have... The plague improved your complexion... but only for a little while The Pope sends you to the Crusades... in Norway Your armor is made from that foil that came with your chewing gum Your wife is stronger than your plow horse...but the horse is prettier The grail you brought home has "made in China" printed on the bottom Your wife says you have the smallest turret in the kingdom You won "most improved " at the tournament They call your daughter made Marian Your family crest is a chicken with a banner that says "peace before discomfort" Your sheep seem strangely nervous around your oldest son

You might be a child of the 80's if...... you have deep, personal relationships via computer with people you've never met in real life.... the phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis.... you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song.... not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your attention.... you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder form, thankyouverymuch.... you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade and sexual orientation.... the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.... you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was called "Battlestar Galactica".... songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.... three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?... you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television wasn't an expensive more...

TOP TEN REJECTION LINES GIVEN BY WOMEN (and what they actually mean):
10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There's a slight difference in our ages
(I don't want to do my DAD.)
8. I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way.
(You ugly dork.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don't want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6. I've got a boyfriend.
(I prefer my male cat and 1/2 gallon Ben & Jerry's ice cream.)
5. I don't date men where I work.
(I wouldn't date you if you're in the same *solar system*, much less the same building.)
4. It's not you, it's me.
(It's you.)
3. I'm concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I'm celibate.
(I've sworn off the likes of you or I'd rather be gang raped by midgets or I'd rather drink more...

Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)10. I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance." )9. There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)8. I'm not attracted to you in' that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.) 7. My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the whole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)6. I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's). 5. I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same' solar system', much less the same building.)4. It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.) 3. I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 2. I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.). .. and the number 1 rejection line given more...