Aging Jokes

Blokes and golfers need to read this! It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they
were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive woman.

My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she gets home from work. Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she more...

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory. I forget the other two.You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.Middle age is when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work.Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn't that a bad time for a guy to get those odds?You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office start confiding in you.Middle age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in the middle.A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the more...

A great standup routine which somone typed up!

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Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than ten years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half."

You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on 5. You get into your teens; now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number.

"How old are you?"

"I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. Eventually.

Then the great day of your life; you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony You BECOME 21....Yes!!!!!

Then you turn 30. What happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. He TURNED; we had to throw him out. What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21; you TURN 30.

Then you're PUSHING 40....stay over more...

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?... "I'm four and a half "....You're never 36 and a half....you're four and a half going on five!
That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16.
And then the greatest day of your life happens....you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony....you BECOME 21...YES!!!
But then you turn 30....ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk....He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now.
What's wrong? What changed? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40... stay over there, it's all slipping away...
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50... and your dreams are more...

Three old blokes were discussing aging at the nursing home.
"Sixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year old. "You always feel like you have to piss. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!"
"Ah, that's nothin'," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you can't even crap anymore. You take laxatives, eat bran, you sit on the toilet all bloody day and nothin' comes out!"
"Actually," said the 80-year-old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."
"Do you have trouble pissing too?" asked the 60-year-old.
"No, not really. I have a piss every morning at 6: 00. I piss like a racehorse on a flat rock; no problem at all."
"Do you have trouble crapping?"
"Hell no! I crap every morning at 6: 30."
With great exasperation, the 60-year-old said, "Let me get this straight. You piss every morning at 6: 00 and crap every morning more...