Ahead Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro.
When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, "I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip."
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, "Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband's "club". When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing." She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards.
The golf pro says to the woman, "That is unbelievable, I didn't think you would do that well. But now on to the next problem. How do we get that golf club out of your mouth?"

One very loooooong summer day, not so long ago, a guy was driving down a long and never-ending road, when he noticed a sign that said
Ten miles ahead Sisters of Mercy brothel.
The guy really confused by somewhat intrigued decides that it is weird but if it were true he might check it out.
Later down the road he finds the same sign but it reads five miles ahead the Sisters of Mercy brothel.
So now the guys decides that he is definitely going to stop at the brothel five miles down the road.
FIVE MILES LATER...
He drives into a parking lot in front of a small windowless building with one door that says entrance to the Sisters of Mercy brothel.
He gets up to the door and on the doorknob "Knock three times" is inscribed on it.
So the guy filled with intrigue knocks three times, and immediately after the third knock an extremely old nun opens the door and says.
"Hello, are you looking for a few good nuns."
"Yes, yes I've been more...

There are several men sitting around in the locker
room of a golf club after a round, showering and getting changed for
the 19th hole.
Suddenly, a mobile phone on one of the benches
rings. One of the men picks it up, and the following
conversation ensues:
(H - Husband, W - Wife)
H - "Hello?"
W - "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
H - "Yes."
W - "Great! I am at the mall two blocks from where
you are. I just saw a beautiful leather coat. It's
absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"
H - "What's the price?"
W - "Only $1, 000."
H - "Well, OK, go ahead and get it, if you like it
that much..."
W - "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes
dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I
really liked. I spoke with the salesman, and he
gave me a really good price... and since we need to
exchange the BMW that we more...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the
third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on
the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them.
Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him.
Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?
George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge!
Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George.
Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.
After a short more...

Bud invited his pal Lou - who came from Dallas - to go watch his home team playing a
great match. Being a avid baseball lover, Lou wanted to know the names of the players
of the home team. Unfortunately, Bud only knew their nick names only. So here goes the
conversation took place between the two friends.
Lou: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the
team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those
fellows?
Bud: All right. but you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays
very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we
have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the
St. Louis team.
Bud: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --
Lou: You more...

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at thethird tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them.Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him.Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge! Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George.Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them.After a short pause...Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night!

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at thethird tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them. Engineer: What's with these guys? We've been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let's have a word with him. Priest: Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge! Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George. Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. After a short pause. .. Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night!