Airlines Jokes / Recent Jokes
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." 3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride. 4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"5. After a particularly rough landing during more...
Delta Airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Responses are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
were like Airlines...
UNIX Airways
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing non-stop about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Air DOS
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides; then they jump on and letthe plane coast until it hits the ground again. They then push again, jumpon again, and so on...
Mac Airlines
All the stewards, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look and act exactly the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told that you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
Windows Air
The airport terminal is pretty and colourful, with friendly stewards, easy baggage check and boarding, and a smooth take-off. After about 10 more...
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Oakland to Kansas City.
The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So, the little boy asked the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?" The flight attendant asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?" He said that she had.
With a clever grin, she said, "Tell your mother it's because Southwest Airlines always pulls out on time."
Acronyms for International AirlinesItalyALITALIA = Always Late In The Air, Late In ArrivalALITALIA = Arrived Late In Turin, And Luggage In Australia
BritainBOAC = Better on a camel
BelgiumSABENA = Such A Bloody Experience Never Again
PakistanPIA = Please, Inform Allah
YugoslaviaJAT = Joke About Time
Pacific Western AirlinesPWA = Pray While AloftPWA = Please Wait Awhile Airlines
Trans World Airlines = Teeney Weeny Airlines.
Southwest Airlines apologized for kicking director Kevin Smith off plane for being too fat. Apparently they thought he was a mini-van and figured he'd prefer the road.
Top Twenty New Slogans for Valuejet Airlines
ValueJet: When you just can't wait for the world to come to you.
ValueJet: We're Amtrak with wings.
Join our frequent near-miss program.
On flights, every section is a smoking section.
Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
Are our jet engines too noisy? Don't worry. We'll turn them off.
Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
The kids will love our inflatable slides.
You think it's so easy, get your own plane!
Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
ValueJet: We may be landing on your street.
ValueJet: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
Bring a bathing suit.
Some more...