Alabama Jokes / Recent Jokes

Windows XP may have accidentally been shipped outside Alabama. If you have one of the Alabama editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Alabama edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen. It reads WINDERS XP with a background picture of the General Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag. It is shipped with a Daisy Duke screen saver. Also note the Recycle Bin is labeled Outhouse, My Computer is called This Infernal Contraption, Dialup Networking is called Good Ol' Boys, Control Panel is known as the Dern Dashboard, Hard Drive is referred to as 4 wheel drive, and floppies are them little ole plactic discn thangs. Other features: Instead of a error message you get a winder covered with a garbage bag and duct tape. OK = ats aww-right cancel = hail no reset = awa shoot yes = shore no = Naaaa find = hunt-fer it go to = over yonder back = back yonder help = hep me out here stop = ternit off start = crank it up settings = sittins programs = stuff at does more...

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough.
So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife/cousin did not want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem.
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (big firework), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'
So the couple drove across the state border into Georgia to get a second opinion.
The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama.
The doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both more...

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was
enough. So, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and
his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that
could fix the problem.
The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put
it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but
I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is
going to help me."
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion.
The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure
for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This
doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light
it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned more...

A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said,' Hey fellow, why are you doing this?' The man replied,' Well, I have nothing to live for.' The Alabama man replied,' Well, think of your wife and children!' The jumper replied,' I have no wife or children.' The Alabama man then said,' Well, then think of your mother and father!' The man replied,' Mom and Dad passed on many years back.' The Alabama man then said,' Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!' The would-be jumper replied,' Who?' With that the Alabama man said,' Jump you stupid yankee, jump!'

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed more...

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO
Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity
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Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
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Arizona: But It's A Dry Heat
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Arkansas: Literacy Ain't Everything
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California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic
Than Your Honda
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Colorado: If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother
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Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The
Kennedy's Don't Own It Yet
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Delaware: We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our
Water
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Florida: Ask Us About Our Grandkids
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G

Dumb Dumb Alabama laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

Dumb Alabama Laws It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.