Alabama Jokes / Recent Jokes
An Auburn fan and an Alabama fan both go over to Tunica to do a little gambling. After a couple of hours the Alabama fan was broke. He looks over and sees the Auburn fan with a wheelbarrel full of quarters.
The Alabama fan walks over to him and says, "Wow, where did you win all that?"
To which the Auburn fan replies, "You see that machine on the wall over there? If you put a dollar in you get four quarters back every time!"
Q. Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco
A. To Tuscaloosa... he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there!
Q. What`s the best road sign in Auburn?
A. Tuscaloosa - 120 miles
A man walks into a store says to the clerk, "I`d like a pair of red shoes, a white shirt, a pair of red pants, and a pair of white shoes." The clerk looks at him and shakes his head saying, "You must be an Alabama fan!" The man proclaims with pride, "How could you tell, was it the color scheme!" The clerk looks at him and says "No, this is a hardware store."
Q. What is the most common line used by an Auburn alum?
A. Would you like fries with that?
Q. Why did they build the Mercedes plant so close to the University of Alabama?
A. Because they have an endless supply of crash test dummies right down the road.
Q. Why is Auburn always in the dark?
A. Because they`re afraid of more...
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but there's a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate himself) was hospitalized.
What did the sign at the movie theater in Alabama say?
"Children under thirteen not admitted unless accompanied by their husbands"
Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"The sarge replied, "He's in Georgia now. They're an hour ahead of us, so we'll never catch him."
Two guys are driving through Alabama when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that? ”
The trooper says, “You’re in Alabama, son. When I pull you over you’ll have your license ready. ”
Driver says, “I’m sorry, officer, I’m not from around here. ”
The trooper runs a check on the guy’s license, and he’s clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick.
The passenger says, “What’d you do that for? ”
The cop says, “Just making your wishes come true. ”
The passenger says, “Huh? ”
The cop says, “I know that two miles down the road you’re gonna say, ‘I wish that jerk would’ve tried that shit more...