Alabama Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer in his pickup truck in Alabama was driving across a bridge when he noticed a man standing on the rail of the bridge ready to jump to his death in the river below. The man stopped his truck ran up to the man and said,' Hey fellow, why are you doing this?'

The man replied,' Well, I have nothing to live for.'

The Alabama man replied,' Well, think of your wife and children!'

The jumper replied,' I have no wife or children.'

The Alabama man then said,' Well, then think of your mother and father!'

The man replied,' Mom and Dad passed on many years back.'

The Alabama man then said,' Well, think of General Robert E. Lee!'

The would-be jumper replied,' Who?'

With that the Alabama man said,' Jump, you stupid Yankee, jump'

After their eleventh child was born, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, so the husband went to his doctor and told him they didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor explained that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could solve the problem. He instructed the husband to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.
The husband said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, doc, but I sure don't see how puttin' a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is gonna help."
Thinking it might be a good idea for them to get a second opinion, the couple drove to Georgia. The doctor there was just about to explain the procedure for a vasectomy when he realized they were from Alabama. Instead, he told the man to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.
Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man more...

Alabama Dumb Laws It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
Putting salt on a railraod track may be punishable by death.
Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
It is legal to drive the wrong way down a one-way street if you have a lantern attached to the front of your automobile.
You must have windshield wipers on your car.
You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Masks may not be worn in public.
Men may not spit in front of the opposite sex.
You may not drive barefooted.
It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
Women are able to retain all property they owned prior to marriage in the case of divorce. However, this provision does not apply to more...

A country bumpkin family from Alabama decides to go to the Big Apple for the first Time in their lives; Maw, Paw and their son. They go into the Empire State Building. As they`re walking around they notice the elevator. Never seeing one before they stand in front of it bewildered.
While staring at it, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to it, pushes the button, the door opens, she rolls herself inside and the door closes.
The Alabama hick family watches as the lights for each floor light as it goes up. They continue to watch as the numbers go down again.
The door opens and out walks this tall gorgeous blonde. Legs to her neck. Great figure. Beautiful!
Paw looks at his son and says, "Quick boy, shove yer Maw in there!!"

Q. How do you know when your staying in an Alabama hotel?
A. When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the desk says "go ahead".

Q. Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar Alabama State Lottery?
A. 3 dollars a year for a million years.

Q. What do a Divorce in Alabama, a Tornado in Kansas and a Hurricane in Florida have in common?
A. Somebody`s fixin` to lose them a house trailer.

Q. Why do folks from Alabama go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?
A. Nobody admitted 17 and under.

Q. What do you get when you have 32 Alabamians in the same room?
A. A full set of teeth.

Q. Why did OJ Simpson want to move to Alabama?
A. Everyone has the same DNA.

Q. A new law was passed in Alabama recently.
A. When a couple gets a divorce, they`re still brother and sister.

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural.
To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands.
"Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands.
"That's really good. I'm glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?"
Fifteen students raise their hands.
"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?"
Three students raise their hands.
"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further: Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever more...