Alabama Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q. What is the difference between a litter of puppies and Alabama fans?
A. The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.

Q. Do you know the difference between an Auburn fan getting run over by a car and an Alabama fan?
A. There are skid marks in front of the Bama fan!! Q. What`s a seven course meal at Auburn?
A. A possum and a six-pack.

Q. Do you know why Terry Bowden was fired?
A. He was too short to step down. Q. What do they put on the bottoms of Coke bottles at Auburn?
A. Please open other end.

This year`s Auburn team is so sorry they have to buy a house just to get a yard.
Q. How do you keep an Auburn football player out of your yard?
A. Put a goal post in it.

Q. How many Alabama fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Just one, but it takes a roomfull to sit around and talk about how the BEAR would have done it.

A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled "New York Football Player Brains", $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles.
The clerk replies, "Well, we`ve got Tennessee brains for $10 an ounce, and Alabama football brains for $1, 000, 000 an ounce."
The man says, "Why the big difference in price?"
The clerk answers,"Do you know how many Alabama football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains!"

After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afforda larger double-wide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told himthat he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in' Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beercan, hold it to his ear and more...

Alabama
• A 1950 anti-obscenity law in Irondale, Ala., prohibited any showing of anyone nude or "in a substantially nude state" except a babe in arms.
• Anniston: You may not wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
• An ordinance in Linden, Ala., provided that all women of "uncertain chastity" had to be off the streets by 9 p.m.
• Bear wrestling matches are prohibited.
• Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
• Children of incestuous couples are deemed legitimate.
• Dominoes may not be played on Sunday.
• Hunting is not allowed on Sunday.
• Incestuous marriages are legal.
• It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
• It is illegal to impersonate a person of the clergy.
• It is illegal to maim oneself to escape duty.
• It is illegal to stab yourself to gain someone's pity.
• It is illegal to wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church.
• It more...

Two Alabama State Troopers were chasing a Camaro East on I-20 toward Georgia. When the suspect crossed the Georgia line, the first Trooper pulled over quickly. The rookie Trooper pulled in behind him and said, "Hey, sarge, why did you stop?"The sarge replied, "Hes in Georgia now. Theyre an hour ahead of us, so well never catch him."

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a
seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How
many people here believe in ghosts?"
About 90 students raise their hands."Well that's a good start. Out of
those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever
seen a ghost?"
About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm
really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a
ghost?"
15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response. Has anyone
here ever touched a ghost?"
3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. But let me ask
you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"
One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished.
He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years
I've been giving this lecture, no one has more...

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start! Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good! I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response! Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic! But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in the back raised his hand.

The professor is astonished! He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says: "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has more...